The following guest column is written anonymously by a pharmacist awaiting a long-overdue assessment. It is published unexpurgated and unedited to offer insight into their cascade of thoughts. Are they neurodivergent? They don’t know yet. Do you?
Is there a link here are there more of us out there do certain characteristics translate well to pharmacy and is that why we are so good at compassion but so bad at confrontation is this possibly why there is so much burnout being reported in the reports and are we looking at this from the completely wrong angle the statistics scream yes to me it seems glaringly obvious but what can they do to help it doesn’t seem like they can help us so damn this pattern will repeat and oh no we are in serious imminent danger because the landscape is changing in pharmacy and we are not equipped and the atypical know this and they will leave and this is terrible you despair because the very very very best are out they can’t do it they retreat they isolate not from people from profession and the stats are a shiny red beacon in front of the typicals asking what’s wrong and how to fix it and we told you over and over again but it is exhausting so we resign and the typicals say we can’t cope but we can just not forever it is not possible times elapsing and with that your energy too and you keep losing time it disappears where did it go why do
you keep losing track is it from decades of mass consideration for protection of the typicals the battery is draining and your focus is waning and you can only protect the typicals you cherish the most and who cherish you too and they are components of the bloodline mainly the elders parents siblings and the children. all of them. they need it the most and yet They’re Under Serious Lovelacking Attack you have to be professional and you have to endure and you have to be empathetic and honest so you compensate because you are trying to slot yourself into a world where those traits don’t come naturally to your typicals and you need help so you seek help from the very best but you don’t fit their assessment but you are not a doctor so who are you to question them so you go to therapy and train for the regulation marathon and you excel and you regulate and regulate and try and try but you remain stifled and you don’t feel better
So what do you know you learn and analyse behaviours, and assess personality types and data and select the method you learned best and assign the best and most appropriate response but you can’t always win unless you gather as much info on each personality type there is and you can’t so accept that so you do and you have unrelentless anxiety that you simply personify as your remora because it is never going away it is a parasite and you aren’t going to win this you can’t so just follow the experts but the experts are wrong and what the f*** why is nobody listening to you because you can’t live like this is anyone going to hear you
No so now you are lonely you are massively loved don’t upset your family they will take this as a personal insult to their capabilities as parents and they are such good parents how could they think that but they will because you can see it and feel it and you can feel their anxiety and you can’t feel their anxiety so you don’t tell them anymore because you can’t be this alone and mind them too and do your job well so you will protect them and protect because you can’t bear to be responsible for letting that parasite latch onto them so you will store it for them you will protect them from it forever this is not something you give to someone you love the most so where do you go how do you remain authentic and you wish everyone else could think this way too but they can’t so now as you type there are tears streaming down your face and if you don’t pull it together someone is going to notice and they will feel bad and try to help you and you don’t want to make them feel bad and you can’t bear to live with the guilt of giving that to them so you will pull it together and compose and it sucks because actually you love to cry because it relieves your tension immediately and you could happily allow the tears to flow and require no comforting at all you just want to be let to do it but you can’t because when typical people cry they are in distress and need comforting and you know you are not distressed because actually you feel immediately better now but it doesn’t matter because for you to feel better you had to make someone feel uncomfortable so you don’t and you endure and you are resilient and you count down the days until your next counselling session because the only person it is safe to sob and weep in front of is the person who is trained and they will allow it and omg how lucky are you to have access to this facility when others don’t and the typical world thinks they are weak and broken when actually they are a different tier of being who are doing phenomenal things in spite of everything they are enduring and they are so alone too and you don’t want to make the typicals feel this loneliness so you chameleon to them and you didn’t make them feel worse and you did well so that part keeps you going it gives you so much joy but don’t tell anyone how proud you are of yourself because they won’t understand and you will look arrogant to them and you don’t really give a s*** if they like you or not but if they pass on those sentiments to someone else you won’t be there to chameleon yourself and that makes you feel even more isolated and unheard and you don’t want to feel lonely so don’t let them know how good you are at your job just be good at your job but this isn’t at all sustainable and you will burnout so find out how not to burnout and hurry because your running out of time
So figure it out where do you go to be authentic and not in fear of harming those you love because they will worry all day long if you shared your full self ok so make a plan you got it its simple just go and surround yourself with the closed minded typicals who are shielded from risk of infestation because cruel people aren’t capable of receiving your love so you can go there and be as true to yourself as possible and this is amazing because you InPUt the data and you found the exact spot and you will love it because you truly do not care and this cohort do not care about you and this is unbelievable because you can work with this you love this at last because those you love the least get to meet the beast and even then you can only love because hate is poison and indifference is only applicable to the people whose existence you have yet to be made aware of and hate is a function you simply have not got it is not in you but oh no your cherished typicals the ones who do care for you are worried about you now damn how blessed you are to be loved so much and to have such a support network routing for
you ready to help no matter the ask its overwhelming now they are concerned that you will not be able for this cohort and how do you explain your situation to them in a way they understand how do you explain you need them because they are a critical outlet for you because it gives you a break from composure and that relief gives you a hit which starves the parasite and you feel great for a while at last but why do you care about what everyone else thinks you simply don’t but god now you are totally exhausted and have to explain but you can’t be bothered so you shrug your shoulders and agree and god this is hard and thank god you have so much capability to mind yourself exactly the way you know how because you refuse to burnout and so you will keep putting yourself first as you always have been thanks for the advice though it is not applicable to the atypical, typical.
